Parent Guilt: "Did I Miss the Signs?"
We cannot tell you whether you missed anything. In our experience, some children hide reading trouble. In our view, the useful question now is what to do next. Find which job of reading is going wrong, and work on that one. Our position is that a lost skill goes to a doctor first.
TL;DR
- We cannot tell you whether you missed anything. In our view, the useful question now is what to do next.
- In our experience, some children hide reading trouble. Some children joke, or wait for someone else to answer.
- In our experience, reading at home can look easier than reading at school. At home, reading is one-to-one and quiet. The book is familiar, and an adult fills the gaps without noticing. In class, it is noisy and public, and the book may be new.
- In our view, what you see at home counts. Write it down, and take it to the teacher.
- Find which job of reading is going wrong, and work on that one. The exception is a skill that was there and has gone. Our position is that a lost skill goes to a doctor first, not a tutor. Have hearing and vision checked too.
Dyslexia is a name for a pattern of trouble reading words, spelling, or both. Struggling to read says nothing about how smart your child is.
”DyslexiaDid I miss the signs?
We cannot tell you whether you missed anything.
In our experience, some children hide reading trouble. Some children joke, or wait for someone else to answer.
In our view, the useful question now is what to do next.
Why reading trouble can be hard to see
In our experience, reading at home can look easier than reading at school. At home, reading is one-to-one and quiet. The book is familiar, and an adult fills the gaps without noticing. In class, it is noisy and public, and the book may be new.
In our experience, there is more to read each year. Ways of coping that worked before work less well.
What you have noticed counts
In our view, what you see at home counts. Write it down, and take it to the teacher.
Our page on signs of dyslexia lists signs to watch for.
Where to start
Find which job of reading is going wrong, and work on that one. The exception is a skill that was there and has gone. Our position is that a lost skill goes to a doctor first, not a tutor.
Have hearing and vision checked too. A child who cannot hear well needs that found. So does a child who cannot see the print clearly.
What to say to your child
Name one real thing your child did. Then say the true thing about the work. "Reading is hard for you right now. We are working on it together."
When to ask for help
Each of these is a reason to ask for help on its own.
- Little change, even with steady practice and good teaching.
- Reading well below what school expects.
- A teacher who raises a concern about reading.
- Extreme upset about reading.
- Complete avoidance of reading.
- Hopelessness about learning.
- Sadness or worry that lasts.
- Significant delays in speech, language or motor development.
- A skill that was there and has gone. Our position is that a lost skill goes to a doctor first, not a tutor.
Start with the teacher. Say what you are seeing at home, and what you have tried. Beyond the teacher, the right person depends on what it turns out to be about. If the work is too hard, someone who works on that school skill. If worry or mood is the thing, someone who works with children's mental health. In our view, delays in speech, language or movement are worth raising with your child's doctor. In our view, if you are worried enough to ask, a professional evaluation is worth asking about.
Any talk of hurting themselves is a same-day call to your doctor or a crisis line.
In the classroom
In our view, tell families what you see in class, in plain words.
Two sentences for an email home: "Reading in class seems to take him a lot of effort. Could we compare what each of us is seeing?"
Key Takeaways
We cannot tell you whether you missed anything. In our view, the useful question now is what to do next.
In our experience, there is more to read each year. Ways of coping that worked before work less well.
In our view, what you see at home counts. Write it down, and take it to the teacher.
Find which job of reading is going wrong, and work on that one. The exception is a skill that was there and has gone. Our position is that a lost skill goes to a doctor first, not a tutor. Have hearing and vision checked too.
Name one real thing your child did. Then say the true thing about the work. "Reading is hard for you right now. We are working on it together."
Write down three things you have noticed about your child's reading. Add one thing your child does well. Take the list to the teacher.
”What to do tonightWhat to use next
A set of questions you answer about what you see at home. A screener is a starting point, not a diagnosis. If your child might need formal accommodations (an IEP or 504 plan), or you suspect a vision, hearing, or medical cause, pursue a professional evaluation too — that's the only route to those supports.
A short reading and spelling practice. Each word appears letter by letter. The picture comes only once the word is complete. So guessing from the image is not available. It includes writing words from memory. That practices the spelling and the writing of a word at the same time.
Common questions from parents
I feel guilty that I didn't notice. Did I miss the signs?
We cannot tell you whether you missed anything. In our experience, some children hide reading trouble. In our experience, reading at home can look easier than reading at school. In our view, the useful question now is what to do next. Find which job of reading is going wrong, and work on that one. The exception is a skill that was there and has gone. Our position is that a lost skill goes to a doctor first, not a tutor.
What should I do now?
In our view, what you see at home counts. Write it down, and take it to the teacher. Find which job of reading is going wrong, and work on that one. The exception is a skill that was there and has gone. Our position is that a lost skill goes to a doctor first, not a tutor. Have hearing and vision checked too. A child who cannot hear well needs that found. So does a child who cannot see the print clearly.
What should I say to my child?
Name one real thing your child did. Then say the true thing about the work. "Reading is hard for you right now. We are working on it together."