The Emotional Side of Reading Difficulty

By Laura Lurns · Reviewed by Philip Weaver · Last reviewed 2026-09-30

How can reading trouble feel to a child?

In our experience, reading trouble comes up many times a day. It is in books, worksheets and signs.

Here is some of what we see in the children we work with.

Avoiding reading. The book stays shut. There is something else to do first.

Hiding it. Some children joke, or wait for someone else to answer.

Comparing themselves with others. A child may notice who in class reads the harder books.

Not wanting to read aloud. Reading in front of others puts the trouble on show.

Harsh words about themselves. Some children say they are bad at everything, not only reading.

Some of these are also reasons to ask for help. Complete avoidance of reading is one. Harsh self-talk about how smart or able they are is another. The full list is under When to ask for help, below.

In our view, none of these tells you why the reading is hard. They are worth writing down, and taking to the teacher.

What does the research we hold say?

The studies we hold link learning difficulties with frustration, lower self-esteem and higher anxiety. That is an association, not a cause. Some of these studies report that support reduces these risks.

Gibby-Leversuch, Hartwell and Wright (2019) reviewed studies of children with literacy difficulties. Those children may be at greater risk of a negative picture of themselves as learners. That greater risk was not found for their whole sense of worth. Other studies we hold report lower self-esteem in children with learning difficulties. In our view, the learner picture is the part a parent can reach.

These findings are about groups of children. Watch your own child, and use the list under When to ask for help.

Is my child being lazy?

It can feel that way when the book stays shut again.

To us, a child who avoids reading does not look like a child who is not trying. Calling it "lazy" only means the effort has not met the right method yet. What we often see is a child who kept trying and kept getting the same result.

What if my child calls themselves stupid?

Some children say it flatly, as if it were settled. To us, a child who calls themselves stupid is telling you how hard school has been. In our view, it says nothing about how smart they are.

First, do not argue. A quick denial is a small answer to a big feeling. What we see is that it does not stick.

Name one real thing your child did. Then say the true thing about the work. "Reading is hard for you right now. We are working on it together."

Your child can check the thing they did against what they remember. Harsh self-talk about how smart or able they are is also a reason to ask for help.

Why does my child hide it, or refuse to read aloud?

Some children hide their reading, joke, or refuse to read aloud. To us, this is often shame, not defiance. When it is shame, a child is protecting themselves from being seen to fail.

In our view, never make a child read aloud to others as a test. Offer a choice instead. They can read to you alone, take turns, or just listen for now.

Keep reading to your child, too. In our view, reading aloud to your child still matters while they learn to read. What they understand by ear is where their own reading is heading. In our view, read aloud for the story and the words, not as reading practice.

What do I do in the middle of a meltdown?

Say little. Reframing is for a child who is about to start something hard. It is not for a child who is already flooded. Mid-meltdown, "You can handle this" lands as being told their distress is wrong.

What we do is stop the work and stay close. Keep your words short: "This is hard. We can stop." Come back to it when your child is calm.

Do not argue about the feeling. Do not explain why the work matters. That talk can wait until your child is calm.

What helps over time?

These are our own practice, from the families we work with.

Keep the reading at the right level. In our view, most of the words should be ones your child can read. A few should take some work.

Make the piece smaller, not the standard lower. One page, not the chapter. What we see is that children notice when the standard drops for them. It reads to them as a verdict.

Name what they did, not what they are. "You read that whole page." A sentence about what a child did is one they can check against their memory.

Take care with names. Our position is that a name for a difficulty does identity work. In our view, what it does depends on what it replaces. Two papers we hold point the same way. A name that replaces "I am stupid" helps. A name that replaces "reading is hard for me right now, and here is what we are doing about it" has nothing good to displace.

We also have a free course for parents on children's big feelings: The Overly Emotional Child.

When to ask for help

Each of these is a reason to ask for help on its own.

• Extreme upset about reading.
• Upset that does not ease once the reading is made easier.
• Complete avoidance of reading.
• Headaches or stomachaches that come with reading.
• Sadness or worry that lasts.
• A child who has pulled back from friends.
• Loss of confidence that spreads past reading.
• Harsh self-talk about how smart or able they are.
• Hopelessness about learning.
• Big changes in sleep or appetite.
• A skill that was there and has gone. Our position is that a lost skill goes to a doctor first, not a tutor.

Start with the teacher. Say what you are seeing at home, and what you have tried. Beyond the teacher, the right person depends on what it turns out to be about. If the work is too hard, someone who works on that school skill. If worry or mood is the thing, someone who works with children's mental health. In our view, delays in speech, language or movement are worth raising with your child's doctor. In our view, if you are worried enough to ask, a professional evaluation is worth asking about.

Any talk of hurting themselves is a same-day call to your doctor or a crisis line.